i got 99 problems...and my main one is overthinking

Posted by deaguero at 2020-03-27

I remember as far back as middle school – when really my only problems should have been whether the boy I liked liked me back – I would lie in bed and go through the list of things that had happened that day that I might need to worry about. Had I done all my homework, did I say the right answer in English, had I upset my BFF as she was a bit quiet that afternoon, did I look skinny enough to wear shorts in PE tomorrow? Its honestly ridiculous but my brain is just wired that way and it gets worse when I’m experiencing periods of bad mental health. I know if I’m feeling low, stressed or tired, my brain goes into overdrive, making a pretty vicious cycle, as most of the time, the over thinking causes me to feel even lower or even more stressed. I’ve noticed as I’ve got older, I’m able to recognise when I’m over thinking, but it doesn’t always stop the detrimental outcome. And here is where I need to give huge props to my best friend and other half…. For 5 years he has put up with the worst side of me and he is still there at the end of every day. My over thinking is probably one of the main causes of any arguments we have. When I’m feeling low, I’m convinced our relationship is failing, we don’t do anything together, we aren’t happy, we aren’t “meant to be”. And then I pick apart everything and create issues or problems, leading to an argument. Most of the time, halfway through said argument, my brain switches and I realise everything I’ve been moaning about is mostly fiction, created and exaggerated in my head. It takes a pretty understanding guy to take a load of grief about something totally unexpected and unprompted and be cool about it. The first step of working through something like this is being able to recognise what the problem is and I’ve now accepted that, although this is part of my nature, it’s a negative side to my personality. Knowing it is always triggered by low moods or periods of stress, I’ve been focused on rectifying those scenarios first. I’ve been on a Keto diet for the last 5 weeks and concentrating on taking care of my body. I’ve lost weight and inches which is making me feel better about myself and each day I can feel my confidence growing. I’ve given up coffee, only having the occasional decaff (which honestly has had such a positive effect on my moods in general). I’ve been taking time out to look after myself more, having evenings of self-care with music, face masks and hair treatments. I’ve also been working out and running daily, which is 100% my therapy. I’ve noticed myself becoming calmer and a little bit more laid back. I’m happier with myself and am more accepting of where I am in my life. I’ve stopped comparing myself to others and am becoming more content with myself and my lot. The time I’ve been spending on myself has stopped me dwelling on the things I might not have and allowed me to appreciate all the things I DO have. I still worry about things – I don’t think that will ever change, but I’ve stopped allowing this to take over my life and my mind. It’s done my relationship wonders – we are closer than ever and I couldn’t be happier. It’s so difficult to accept your own faults sometimes, it’s so easy to blame everyone else, but I’m so glad I stopped the roundabout and got off. The rest of 2019 is about continuing this journey and enjoying every second of it. I am a full-time marketing and communications manager and part time blogger, living my best leopard print life. I love all things beauty and style related; I am obsessed with my nails and my adorable pooch, Lola. I’m only 33 but have a ton of life experience that I’m now choosing to share on my blog and would love you to join me on this journey!